Raising Defiant and Compliant Children – Part 1
All your sons will be taught by the LORD, and great will be your children’s peace. Isaiah 54:13
There are two kinds of children. The first are compliant ones – those who sleep through the night from the second week of life. They coo at their grandparents, and smile while their pajamas are being changed. They are never sick on the way to the grocery store. During later childhood they love to keep their rooms clean, and they do their homework brilliantly without being asked. Then there are defiant ones: ‘strong-willed kids’. They get their mother’s attention long before birth because they scratch their initials on the walls (of the womb) and kick like crazy. They enter the world yelling about the temperature in the delivery room, and complaining about the incompetence of the nursing staff. From about eighteen months forward, they want to run things and tell everybody what to do. Their favorite word is no! Compliant children are a breeze to raise, but defiant ones can turn out fine too. The secret is to shape their strong will during the early years, without breaking their spirit. This is done by setting boundaries very clearly, then enforcing them with loving firmness. Even the toughest kids find security in a structured environment where other people’s rights, as well as their own, are protected. When this is done right, even the most independent child can learn to be responsible and self-disciplined. And God will work with you. He promises: ‘All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children’.
Prayer
Heavenly Father, having both types of children, I thank You for both types. All unique. In Jesus’ Name, Amen
You make it sound as if kids are born one way or the other. What do you do with a child who becomes defiant over time? Who at 12 or 13 slowly forgets God’s command to not worry and put faith in HIM? Who at 16 see’s how rich and self-centered her peers are and refutes God’s and her parents wishes in lieu of a future that is centered around herself? Who knows she is un-compliant compared to her sisters but just feels she is given the short end of the stick even after thorough discussion on why she is being punished. She then fails to contemplate her punishment and instead of showing remorse she becomes more irritated, upset, and vengeful. As the punishment grows the acrid smoke and defiance gets worse. What do you do with that? Any ideas? Tried turning the other cheek, meaning telling her we saw her defiance and told her not to do it again, and we have tried incremental punishment when resentment, anger, and demand by her surfaces on each punishment she disregards. Nothing works. What do you do?